Within Me I Am

Baked browns, golden yellows, blood reds, and dying greens paint the floor of the earth beneath my feet. The crunching leaves signal that it is time to go. Deep within the body into hibernation, assessing the past year.

From within, I hear the cry….Not yet. I want more time. The demands of the inner child have to be forced into adult contemplation. Freedom comes again in the spring. Now is the time to reflect. Viewing deep into the ocean. Are you happy with how you spent this past year? Did you live? Learn? Grow? Love? Were your days filled with happiness?

Hmmm. Some good. Some bad. I wish I would have given more of myself to the people around me. More involved in work that touches the hearts of others for healing. Myself and them. I wish I would have worried less about…..well,  everything. But, I did learn. Oh, I learned. Not just from my books or  my work. I gained more than just temporary knowledge. I learned about life.

I learned that loving my body cannot be measured by a number on the scale. It only comes with my level of health.

I learned that worrying weakens the body and traps the mind. Trap the worry instead with courage and a spirit unwilling to lay down.

I learned that we need each other. Life doesn’t exist without other people. Friendship. Love. Communication and community. Warm embraces. We can only grow and thrive when we build that safe community of friends and families in our lives. Learn to live with them because sheltering away only brings heartache, loneliness, and sadness. The world is our playground; play well together.

Love. The word never made much sense before. It conjured up feelings of grief, remorse, fear, and not being good enough sprinkled with some excitement and longing. It has driven me crazy trying to obtain this idea of love. What I learned was that love already exists inside of me and the greatest way to gain love is to give the love that I already have. Giving feels much better than receiving.

The cold air slithers into every crease and crevice. Working its way into my body, permeating every cell. Freezing out the parts that are ready to cease to exist in me.

Reflecting on what was and what is. Letting go of the frozen and sheltering what stays. Knowing that in the spring time, I will blossom again. Breathing life into my work. A smile so warm that will unfreeze the frozen. Love allowing it to grow.

In the Spring, I will blossom anew. Fresh and ready to grow like I have never grown before or will again. For now, it is my time to reflect. Working in the shadowy places deep within. Freezing the unwanted out with the coldness Mother Nature provides.


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